The End?

13 Aug

12 days ago I was posting about wanting to make The Coworker my boyfriend. A lot can apparently change in 12 days.

I’m far from a moron when it comes to knowing how someone feels about me. Guys are pretty obvious when they like you and also pretty obvious when they don’t. The Coworker has gone from texting me often to me having to initiate all conversations. Along with me having to initiate any time we hang out. I had mostly been the initiator with hanging out anyway, but the texting was always mutual. Not anymore.

I am not one to sit back and let things bother me, and he and I have talked about some pretty personal and honest stuff, so I texted him yesterday afternoon with my concern. I mentioned noticing I was doing all the initiating and posed two thoughts to him…. Either he wasn’t typically an initiator and I should keep doing it… Or he was losing interest and I should back off.

The result? For the first time since we met 5 months ago, he didn’t reply. He’s been having issues with his phone lately, so there was a possibility of a missed message, but deep down I knew. It was the end. To top it off, today at work he kept coming online and immediately going offline on our work instant messenger program when generally he’s always online. Coward. Today I texted once more in a “benefit of the doubt” type thing and just asked if he got my text from yesterday. No reply.

I’m not even upset or mad… It’s just stupid and silly! I pretty much gave him an out, so man up and just say it. Does he think that ignoring me doesn’t say the exact same thing…. In a far less mature way? Does he not realize that we’re going to keep seeing each other at work and he’s making it way more awkward than it needs to be?

Maybe he thinks I’m going to freak on him if he says it so he’s avoiding it? I’ve heard his last girlfriend was a little unhinged when they broke up (hear that from a friend of hers, not him). So it’s over obviously, but I’m mature enough to have things end and not be a crazy psycho about it. Heck, we only dated for two months. And I don’t want things to be weird at work. There’s not point. So I’ll text him one more time at some point and tell him it’s silly that he’s ignoring me and that I’m not going to freak out on him because things are ending. I’ll still say hi to him at work and it doesn’t need to be awkward.

I liked him a lot, but it sure is a lot easier to get over something ending when you’ve felt it happening for almost two weeks. Or maybe deep down I knew it wasn’t meant to be anyway? Oh well.

On to the next.

EDIT: He finally wrote back and said he “didn’t know how to answer my question”. I said that if he had to think about it, that was pretty much an answer right there. He said he had to “work out where his head is at” and again, if he has to think about whether he likes me or not, he probably doesn’t. I left it at that and said I’d leave him alone and he knew where to find me if he wanted to talk. I also said that if I see him in the halls at work, I’m going to say Hi because no need for awkwardness. He agreed. So at least there’s that…


“The Talk”

1 Aug

Been dating The Coworker for almost two months now, but we haven’t had “The Talk” to make things official. You know the one… The talk that makes it ok to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. The time when some people choose to make it “Facebook Official”. All my friends refer to him as my boyfriend, I imagine because it’s easier. Easier to say “boyfriend” than “guy she’s dating”. I was talking to a stranger a couple weeks ago and even used the term boyfriend myself. It was easier.

I don’t know how to bring it up with him. I miss the ease of grade school when the actually question of “Will you be my girlfriend?” was asked, and answer of “yes” was given, and instantly it was official. It’s so up in the air when you’re an adult… And always awkward. It’d be easy if I wasn’t sure if we were exclusive or if he was dating other girls. But he’s not. And I’m not dating any other guy. So bringing up the “so where are we?” topic seems redundant.

I’ve been single for a long time before this and I’ll admit, I’m a total nerd who wants to change my Facebook relationship status to “In a relationship”. I like him a lot and I want to show him off! I want people to know that we’re together. So help! How can I bring up the topic of making him officially my boyfriend?

Dating Sucks… Until you get used to it??

11 Jul

Dating sucks. It really does.

First dates = A ball full of nerves about whether it will go well, what will we talk about, etc.

Then if you actually like the guy, you get to worry about getting a phone call. And if not, you still worry about it because you know you have to let the poor sap down.

Dates 2 through who freaking knows how many? = This is where I am. Things are going well, but if you are someone who dating generally doesn’t go well for, there is the constant worry that it’s all going to end.

Things seem to still be going well with me and The Coworker, but I’m starting to have spells of worry. At first, seeing each other once a week was good for me. Too fast equals scaring me off. But as I begin to like him more and more, I’d like to see him more and more and it’s still only once a week. I haven’t seen him in a week and two days and my god, it seems like a month! I’ve been worrying because I’ve been suggesting times/dates to hang out and he hasn’t been able to for various reasons. Not sketchy reasons by any means, so that’s good. He’s been legit out of town on vacation twice this week. But it’s been me doing all the asking. So I stopped. Knowing he went out of town again yesterday, and us not going a day without texting since we met, I wondered if he’d text me today.

It was a test. And he passed. And he was his usual flirty self, which calmed me a bit. But geez… I hate the uneasy feeling of dating. I haven’t dated someone past 5 dates in a couple years, and not many times in total even then, so I’m always unsure.

Speak of the devil… He just texted me as I’m writing. Calm down girl! Calm the eff down!

Day of Fun!

1 Jul

Things are going amazingly well with The Coworker. I’m a little scared to even write that because I’ll probably jinx it but it’s nice to write some good stories instead of some bad dating ones.

Sexy times happened as expected on Thursday. Was amazing and I could barely walk the next day. That’s all I’ll say about that. 🙂

On Sunday morning, we were texting as usual when he all of a sudden said on a whim that he wanted to drive to a town about 3 hours away from us to go to the best mini-golf place ever! I also know of and love that place… Flashback to childhood… So I was totally game! He picked me up and on our way we went. We played two rounds of mini-golf… I won the first by 1 point and he slaughtered me during the second. Wagers were made but the stakes will not be revealed on here.

Between the rounds we were trying to find a casual pub for dinner. We found one that looked like a pub so wandered in. Immediately we could tell it was a lot fancier than anticipated. We were seated and given menus and as we looked at them, we looked at each other and had the same thought…. We need to get out of here. We weren’t exactly anticipating $75 lobster for two. We got up and practically ran out the door. Awkward and a first for both of us. A dine and dash, without the dine. We ended up finding a pub that was much more our style. If you’ve ever seen the TV Show How I Met Your Mother, there is a part where it’s talked about how in a pair of soul mates, one will love olives and the other will hate them. That way, the person who loved them can eat them all for the other person. Well, not only do I love olives and he hates them, but while I love calamari, I refuse to eat the pieces with tentacles. And he loves them. We established we are a pretty good match for these reasons.

After our second round of mini-golf, we hit up the arcade on site. Played a bunch of awesome games and had a blast. It was one of those places that gives out tickets for prizes too so we picked out some crappy prizes and then headed home. It was one of my most fun dates in a long time.

Also a good test of spending an entire day together and still wanting more. I get sick of people fast, but with him I just want more and more. I’m totally comfortable with him and we can talk about anything which is also something I look for. All signs point to awesome!

End paranoia, enter sexy times

25 Jun

Date #4 tomorrow with the Coworker. It’s all going so well and I’m really starting to like him, so I’m doing my best not to enter a state of paranoia. It’s been 6 years since my last long term relationship and everything since then has crumbled pretty quickly. I’m really starting to like him and I don’t want it to end.

I had a minor freak out on Saturday. The night before, Friday, the Coworker and I were texting but there were some unusually long pauses between him texting me back. He’s not the quickest texter anyway, but this was extra long and my mind immediately thought he was out with another girl. Which he could… We aren’t exclusive, but I still didn’t like the thought. Then Saturday, I was at a Birthday party with my best friend for another friend and the Coworker and I were texting. He mentioned going out with the guys to a bar and that also scared me. I didn’t want him meeting other girls and forgetting about me.

My paranoia was unwarranted. His “wild guys night” turned into everyone bailing early and him being home by 9:30pm, at which point he texted me immediately. Who knows why the long text delays the Friday before, but for now I’m pretty sure I’m the only one on his mind.

I would have loved to let him ravage me last week when I saw him, but due to the lady curse that didn’t happen. Tomorrow. It’s so on! There’s been a lot of sexual tension texting over the last few days and it’s definitely a go. Can’t wait! Been a loooooong time since I’ve had sex and I definitely need this. And excited that it’s going to be with him. My daydream fantasies have been consuming me lately so the real thing is going to be amazing!

Not self sabotaging? What is this sorcery?

13 Jun

Last weekend I had what I consider my first official date with The Coworker. We had gone for lunch during work before, but that wasn’t truly a “date”. This was. It was sunny and hot outside so we met for drinks at a restaurant with a patio. As before, conversation flowed and it was a good time. Usually I am super nervous before dates but wasn’t at all. Either because I feel like I know him already from work and texting or because of the anxiety pills I now take. I said this before and I’ll say it again… It was just easy. Yes, I still have “the warning” in the bad of my mind, but I just haven’t seen any red flags yet. Either he’s a really really good player or he’s actually grown up and is looking for more. Or it really was all just rumours. Too soon to tell, but so far so good.

After drinks we went for a walk over a bridge and around the waterfront. Shortly into the walk, he stopped and I felt the urge to wrap my arms around him from behind, so I did. He turned around and we had out first kiss. A great first kiss. From there we continued to walk, holding hands, which made me realize just how long it’s been since I’ve held hands with someone… It seems to be one of those more “intimate” things that I only do with someone I’ve been dating for awhile. Kissing and sex, sure! Holding hands, that comes later! Weird how that works. But I digress.

Walked for awhile, kissed a few more times, and then headed home. That was on Sunday. I haven’t seen him since then but we’ve become accustomed to texting frequently during the day. And my favorite thing: He texts me every morning around the same time to say Good Morning. He’s conditioned me to expect that so I hope he doesn’t stop.

Date #2 is tomorrow… We’re going to see a movie. I’m excited to see him. And comfortable enough with him that when I see him, I’m going straight in for a kiss. That’s literally unheard of for me… Especially on a second date! This is generally when I start freaking out and start self sabotaging. Not this time! Haven’t seen him at work at all this week because we’ve been working from different locations. So can’t wait!

I really wonder how much of this awesomeness is because of things being so natural and comfortable with him, and how much is because I have control over my anxiety now. I’m pretty sure it’s a mixture of both and I sure hope it doesn’t end!

The Warning

3 Jun

“Oh, stay away from him!”

Ugh… Hate this. Hate living in a town where there is only 2-3 max degrees of separation between everyone in it. You start liking a guy and then someone who knows him tells you something bad about him. Warns you to stay away from him.

I’ve been warned before and listened when I shouldn’t have. I’ve been warned before and not listened when I should have. I’ve also been warned before when I didn’t listen and the guy wasn’t anything like “the warning”. He was a bad guy for other reasons, but not what I was warned about at all. Haha.

This guy from work. We’ve been getting along great. But then someone else at work, who doesn’t even know I’m talking to him, throws out “the warning”.

“He tries to get every new girl employee in a certain department (my department) into bed. He’s a bit of a manwhore.”

Shocking to me to hear this because this is NOT the impression I have gotten from him. He’s been a perfect gentleman, is actually quite shy, and hasn’t even attempted to get me into bed yet. Heck, it took him two months of talking to me to even get up the nerve to ask me to have lunch with him at work. He talks about wanting to find a wife and really wants kids.

I asked him about what I heard and he said that he’s dated two girls at work, both lasting almost a year. Now, the information I was given has put a sense of caution in me but I also don’t know how much of it to believe. I knew about one of the girls he dated long before this (from someone else) and while it didn’t end well, it wasn’t a “bang her and leave her” thing. It lasted a long time. And according to him, so did the other one. I also kind of know how rumours work… If you’re the single person who is looking for love and end up dating a few people from work, that turns into you hooking up with everyone at work. This has happened to me and I’m far from the girl who hooks up with a lot of people… But dating three people at my last job formed a reputation.

And he’s apparently a manwhore. This I would need to see to believe, because come on…. How many guys do you know who didn’t go through a but of a player faze in their younger days? Not very many. Almost every guy I know has at SOME point slutted around and had some fun. Many girls I know have too. This guy is 30 now, and I fully believe that most guys do grow up and want to settle down eventually. Manwhore once, quite possibly. Manwhore always, likely not.

Like I said, caution in the back of my mind, but I think this is a warning that I need to see if it’s reputable before I totally back off. If it’s true, it won’t be very long before it’s apparent.